It was July 4th 2020 that I got the dreaded call. A dear friend had left this earth the night before in a tragic incident. In that moment I was in utter shock. I kept thinking it could not be possible. I cried out “NOOOOOO” . In the moments, hours, days, weeks and months to follow I was flooded with so many questions and regrets. You see that Thursday night prior I was thinking about my friend, Jody, and something inside said to call her. But with all the chaos of daily life I decided to put it off until the weekend. Well the weekend never came for her.
My dearest Jody had become like a big sister to me in my early 20’s. She entered my life during a very dark time. She brought so much hope to my life during that season and we shared so many moments growing together. During that time she was like an anchor in my storm. And now she was gone too soon. She was such a bright light to everyone that knew her but unfortunately she was suffering internally with complications from chemical/hormonal imbalances. She, her husband and beautiful girls had sought many treatment options but the battle just became more than she could bear. It wasn’t fair. Why Jody? Why not me I ask myself? Jody and I had many conversations about our battles with depression and imbalances in our bodies. I wished so badly I had called that night. I wished I had been a better friend to her. I wished I could bring her back. There is so much I need to tell her. But on this side of heaven that will not happen.
So now what???? What I’ve learned from this tragedy is there is still hope and God desires to receive glory from so much pain. It is from this place that God spoke to me about creating this blog “Unlocking Our Hope”. What is hope anyway? Well in this season God has clearly shown me that hope is not a thing to achieve. It is a person. There is no real hope aside from Jesus. While there are so many things we don’t understand we can have hope in Him.
I read this verse in the Bible, Psalm 31:24: Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. In the weeks and months following Jody’s passing I needed strength to hold on. Strength not to give way to my own despair because honestly I was feeling hopeless. So I dug deeper to better understand what it means to “take heart” and what I uncovered was this meaning “to take control of your mind so that you can be brave, courageous etc and face difficult times”.
I'm challenged like so many of you, to get out of my head a lot of the time. My mind can take over and the next thing I know I’m in a dark place struggling to get out. That is exactly what was happening. So like this passage says I was left with a decision to “take heart”. To take control of my mind and be brave. But the only way I could do this was to look directly into His eyes (Jesus). And as my eyes locked with HIs, I was met with so much compassion and love. He took all the regrets and sorrow. I found forgiveness and acceptance. I found peace in the middle of my grief. I knew then that he was calling me to a greater purpose and that he desired to receive glory from this tragedy. And deep down inside I knew this is exactly what my dear friend, Jody, would desire too.
So if you are that person suffering from loss, drowning in despair and not sure how to take your next breath let me challenge you to grasp a hold of the one “Jesus” who is our hope. He promises to fill us with peace that passes all understanding. He promises to hold on to us at all times especially in the face of loss. He can handle all the questions, regrets, and anger. Grief is a real thing so let yourself grieve but don’t do it alone. Find someone who can walk this journey with you. Whether that be a trusted friend, a counselor, your local church family or a family member. Find someone!!! God never intended for us to walk this out on our own. If you don’t currently have that person ask God to guide you to someone today. He is a loving father and he hears you. Let him give you courage to take that step. Take heart in him. You matter. Your life matters so hold on to hope today.
Some of the things that have helped me in this season are:
Listening to songs like “When I Lock Eyes With You” by Maverick City Music and Upper Room or “Graves To Gardens” by Elevation Worship
Reading “Get Out Of Your Head” by Jennie Allen
Seeking help from a Godly counselor
Listening to Podcast that spoke life into my storm
Getting connected in a small group through my church
For you it may be a different song, book, podcast or counselor but take a step today. Know that God has so much more for you beyond your loss. He does have hope. He is Hope.